The EU and its various crises can be confusing. This is mainly deliberate on the part of the European elite:
the more confusing it is the more they think they can get away with. However, to counteract this naked
contempt for democracy (aka quasi-fascism), here is a guide to some key jargon currently doing the rounds.
RETURN
Euroterm
Translation
racist
1) indigenous native citizen who does not want to be swamped by millions of illegal and legal migrants pouring into the most densely-populated region of the entire continent AND in particular who refuses to accept migrants of an incoming totalitarian death cult demanding to modify the indigenous culture into which they are coming with a view to eventually taking it over

2) someone who wins arguments against liberals
Mandelscumian prediction
a prediction based on paranoid delusions such that the listener should believe that the exact opposite of what is predicted will definitely occur - this term is often modified in honour of various other EU worthies, so that we have, for example, a Brownian prediction, a Junckerian prediction, a Blairite prediction and so on ... (but Mandelscumian is the most commonly used term)
renegotiation
a tawdry, Chamberlain-Munichesque attempt to once more lie to the British people by pretending to have achieved some meaningful concessions on "reform" of the EU which actually amount to no more than a piffling series of mini-measures which can mostly be vetoed by the EU Brusselomafia and courts anyway
the far-right
ordinary citizens and patriots stupefied and horrified by the unmandated and illegal mass invasion of their country by economic migrants belonging to a mediaeval, totalitarian religious cult of death seeking to dominate the world as commanded by their delusional mass-murdering paedophile leader over 1400 years ago and who are pushed to protest peacefully at their national leaders' total betrayal of the trust placed in them at the ballot-box, and who when peacefully protesting are harassed, water-cannonned and arrested by agents of the same, duplicitous, quasi-fascist leaders, while so-called liberals (aka new-age fascist lunatics who believe in open borders) hurl stones and vile abuse at them as they seek to defend their way of life
The euro crisis is over.
The worst is yet to come. (the first is a quote from Barroso)
expert euro consultant
someone who admits that her ruinous policies are based on erroneous research but who insists that they are right anyway - and her name is Connie Hedegaard
clown (and/or "swivel-eyed" idiot) anyone not agreeing with the dinosaur parties in supporting the abandonment of British sovereignty
Hollande 2
a French President who is doing his best, and simultaneously ruining his country by relying on hope rather than reason - this makes him of course a terrible President but a very good socialist - Gordon Brown was the same, except he wasn't a President; actually, he wasn't even elected leader of his party!
the reduced
tax option
a cunning plan whereby EU officials and MEPs pay vastly-reduced tax compared to those in real employment while demanding that the latter pay ever more tax
cutting back
MEPs reducing their demands for a budget increase from just under 20% to around 6% at a time when Southern European economies are contracting by up to the same % and with up to 60% youth unemployment
essential restructuring
as perfected by France in particular, this involves the imposition of yet more taxes on an economy already reeling under massively high taxation to feed a bloated state - it is analogous to giving arsenic to someone suffering from arsenic poisoning, and in this respect is similar to homeopathy only in vastly bigger quantities (which kinda defeats the purpose)
growth
the Deux Ex Machina that will suddenly explode onto the European wasteland and magically put everything right - always 10 times lower than predicted by EU Commissars, we will know it has arrived when pigs start flying in their masses across the sky as EU officials watch from the safety of their asylum
justice
stealing the money of those who deserved it, and a lot of others who didn't
a blueprint
a plan to steal bank depositors' money throughout Europe as we did with Cyprus
tax haven
a mafiosi-type area with lower taxes than Germany and France - Switzerland for example
socialist
government
bankrupting your country with lunatic borrowing designed to bribe the people with their own money and deceive them just long enough for you to win the next election
democracy
doing what Germany wants
isolated
not agreeing with Germany
Outright Financial Transaction
an ordinary financial transaction got at by the EU Marketing Division - akin to "Even Nooer, Noo, Bluer Daz"
"Some activities were left
off the balance sheet."
Portuguese PM
We committed fraud against our own people (and basically got away with it). (Ed. YOU ARE NOT ALONE MATEY!!)
"The crisis is over."
J-M Borroso
"My salary and perks are safe, since we have kicked the can down the road a good distance this time rather than the two or three inches we usually do. We've printed of billions of euros against the ECB's own statutes. We've kept Greece and Spain in the euro at a cost of 60% youth unemployment in those countries. TIME FOR A GLASS OF CHAMPERS, I RECKON."
European solidarity
The Germans must pay.
haircut
YOU LOSE LOADS OF YOUR "INVESTMENT", stolen from you by decisions taken by the Masters Of The Universe alias "Troika" - HA, HA!!! BE MORE CAREFUL NEXT TIME!!
Hollande 1
a tenth-rate socialist who won the election by promising to end austerity who immediately imposed austerity the moment he was elected - I am not sure whether he actually said "Circumstances have changed since my election yesterday.", but I wouldn't put it past him.
French socialist reforms
imposing and/or increasing over SEVENTY taxes within months of coming into power and then hoping for "growth" to eradicate the vast debt
can-kicking
having a vastly expensive meeting, catching up with all your Euro-crony mates and quaffing large quantities of 120€ Chateau Laplonk and then posing for a team photo before announcing the problems are all solved - this game can go on for decades until you retire on a vast pension while most of Southern Europe collapses into chaos
financial stability instrument

another cunning can-kicking  plan using non-existent money virtually-transferred from one place to another and given a posher name

a decisive solution
using a fund that doesn't exist to buy debt that won't be repaid via a mechanism that hasn't been agreed
the euro
a cunning but nonsensical plan previously rejected not only by Baldrick but also most reputable economists as insane but taken up by unspeakable and often unelected zealots to foist an unworkable and unmandated currency onto the unconsenting underclasses and all with the aim of creating a United States of Europe that not ONE SINGLE ONE of Europe's 450 million citizens has voted for
a special
purpose vehicle
EITHER a con designed to pour billions more euros down the euro black hole without the plebs realising it OR Borroso's new limo specially designed to be resistant to tomato-throwing plebs
assets
what we used to have before Brown really got started
bond

an I.O.U. - in Greece's case worthless, but nonetheless snapped up by the ECB

Junk bond
any bond issued in Europe except a German one (for the moment) - also snapped up eagerly by the ECB, which is making a collection for the new "How Europe destroyed the World" museum in Brussels
limited liability

what banks have; actually, it used to be limited, but now it is zero (except in Cyprus, because it is too small to matter - or indeed fight back)

the troika

a grouplet of VIPs set up to pretend that Greece has fulfilled its promises (don't laugh) and to give them the dosh anyway because if it doesn't Greece will immediately go tits-up and the IMF and EU will get the blame whereas the only critical thing is not to save Greece but to save the euro at the cost of returning the Mediterranean to the Dark Ages while simultaneously saving French and German banks

or if you like, a key player in the game "You pretend to fulfil the conditions and we pretend to agree."

Quantitative Easing
more borrowing and/or printing of money designed to solve the problem of too much borrowing and printing of money; a cunning plan which has the great benefit of raising inflation to inflate away the debt and coincidentally (but who cares?) stuff the plebs out of their increasingly-worthless savings (Idiots! Everyone knows that saving is for mugs!)
José Borroso
a failed whelk-stall manager with his needle stuck in a eurobond
democracy
getting elected once every five years and then doing what the hell you like with the people's money without paying the slightest regard to anything they say or do unless they riot in which case you attack them with rubber bullets and water cannon supplied by other democracies (see Greece)
the Greek
"century bond"
another idiotic plan to increase Greek debt for the future so that it can pay off the interest on current debt - besides, nobody will be around to collect their bonds after a century ...... Good luck in selling this one ....
Sarkozy
a pretentious, pledge-making elitist nerd who - to give himself some faint chance of reelection - is willing to do almost anything (including to stuff the plebs by wasting their own money) to avoid French bankers going tits-up if Greece - and especially ITALY (which owes French banks nearly half a trillion euros) - defaults (which it will) - this is a bit convoluted, but you catch the drift
a denial
a statement of absolute certainty that something will occur
a bank
an organisation protected by the government and designed to steal the people's money while enriching its directors beyond belief no matter how badly it is run
fund leverage
theft
EU accounting
unaudited fraud
pledge or vow
a fatuous promise based on self-delusional fantasy and designed to make both pledger and pledgees feel as if something concrete is likely to be done even if deep down both parties know that it isn't true
right-wing
commonsensical and patriotic
populist
popular
left-wing
lunatic
British Lord
unelected and undemocratic, feudal relic and elitist,  300 quid a day expenses, Palace of Westminster bar propper-upper crony has-been
Swedes
unhinged northerners determined to destroy their country by mass immigration of sub-humans in an attempt to demonstrate their moral superiority
electorate
suicidal lemmings
political leaders
brainless parasites
moderate Muslim
one of the crowd watching the beheadings
ISLAM
totalitarian death cult followed by delusional, paedophile, mysogenist. religious bigots
multi-culturalism
forced ethnic swamping and the end of the indigenous culture
liberals
uninformed left-wing bigots
socialist
someone absolutely determined to steal all the money of anyone who has more than the poorest so as to reduce everyone to the same level of poverty